All You Need

This week I had a new experience at the gym. I was done with my set and wiping down the machine when a lady came up to me to ask how it worked. She confessed she had never used this type of machine before and wasn’t sure how it worked. My first thought was: “And you’re asking me? I’m the least qualified person in this building to be helping you.”

Yet I went on to assist her and explain how to use it, with a competence that surprised me. It was only later as I was leaving the gym that I realized why she asked me for help—I was doing the thing. At that very moment, I had been the one actually using the machine. And didn’t that make me perfectly qualified to help her? She wasn’t asking for a 30 minute tutorial or a deep-dive that a personal trainer could provide. She just wanted to know how the machine worked. And I had been the person on it. Why wouldn’t I be able to help her?

I had some similar experiences recently when I was out hiking and had several people ask me for directions or info about the trail ahead. My internal dialogue was, “this is my first time hiking the trail, why would I know anything about it?” And yet I had just hiked the section they were asking about. I had a map on my phone and had a good understanding of the surrounding area. Why would I not be competent to provide information?

I think it is so easy to dismiss our own experiences and skills. We wait for an “expert” to show up, to be better and wiser than we are. We wait for someone else to help fix our own lives. We wait for someone else to jump in to help someone else who is struggling, because we don’t feel “good enough.” And yet, most of the time there is no expert. Even those who may genuinely be considered an expert in their field will be the first to admit they are still students; we never stop learning and growing. I think this is just a way of avoiding our own fears. There is no one coming to save us because the journey is about saving ourselves. You are the expert because it is your life. No one else can do the work for you. It can be a way of avoiding responsibility when we rely on others to tell us how to live, what to fix, what to work on.

Likewise, we miss out on connections when we let the idea of “I’m not good enough” stop us from being there for others. We stay trapped in the shadow of fear and inadequacy, unable to bring our unique perspective and gifts into the world. The truth is, there aren’t enough “experts” to go round. We limit ourselves, and those around us, if we don’t own our own strengths and abilities. If you’re on the journey, if you’re striving and learning, if you’re doing the work, then you’re qualified to come alongside someone else on the path. If you’re doing the thing, that’s all you need.