Feeling the Mystery

Reflections on My Meditation Retreat Experience

Taken at the retreat center, in a bamboo grove on the property

Last month I attended an “Awakening Through the Body” meditation retreat hosted by Dharma Gates in West Virginia. In complete honesty, I had no idea what I was signing up for. I’ve learned to follow my intuition, so when this came across my radar, I felt this deep instinctive pull. I did very little research or preparation for it, I just signed up and said I was going. 

I think this was a wise decision because I felt very much like a blank slate—I had no preconceived idea of what it might entail or what might happen. Which left me open to the experience that wanted to happen. 

The first day and a half was pretty difficult for me. It started on the first evening when we were all gathered in the meditation room and the instructor announced that we’d be doing silent meditation for 45 minutes. While most of the attendees seemed to be very experienced with meditation, I was not. The idea of sitting with this group in silence for 45 minutes stirred up some intense panic. There was definitely a sense of “what in the world am I doing here?” 

But I survived. In the way that we do when we face the unknown, we come through. 

This was an aspect of the entire experience for me, to do something unknown and uncomfortable, to learn that I could survive it. I can’t say enough how important it is to have these kinds of experiences in our lives. It doesn’t have to be a meditation retreat where you hand in your phone for 4 days and exist primarily in silence. We all have these invitations every day to push beyond what is comfortable and known. The boundaries and comfort zones look different for each one of us. The thing itself doesn’t matter, it is the meaning and intent behind it. 

I feel incredibly grateful that the retreat gave me an opportunity to meet Corey Hess, the instructor. I didn’t look up much about him in advance, but came away with a deep respect and admiration for his work. I think if you’re a seeker, a curious soul, you find yourself exposed to many kinds of leaders and influential people during your journeys. Especially online you can find a lot of “posers”—people who are good at regurgitating all the right things, with very little true substance or wisdom. In working with Corey Hess, it was clear that he is the “real deal.” There’s something incredibly authentic and grounded in his approach. He’s done the work. He understands what this journey, this experience of life, is really all about. 

What I discovered through his embodiment work is a way of connecting more deeply through our physical experience. I do a lot of inner work, something that might be called shadow work I suppose, and this has been primarily through journaling. What Corey demonstrated is that there’s a way to access a deeper level of awareness, connection, and existence, through being present in the body. It wasn’t an instruction like “here, follow these 5 steps to feel more embodied.” But more of, “here is a way of being, of existing in space, that could open new doorways for your own journey, if you get curious.”

He brought a sense of wonder and amazement to the practice. Our role is to simply create a container, to be open and curious: “What’s really going on here?” 

One of the ways this showed up for me during the retreat was discovering I could release some deep tension from my shoulders. A lot of Corey’s practices center around the core and lower body. As I was bringing awareness to these areas, I began to notice how disconnected my shoulders felt. It was as if my upper body was just suspended in space, with only my shoulders to hold me up. And this explains why I always have pain and tension in these muscles. Over the course of the retreat I was able to develop a connection to my lower body and actually felt my shoulders sinking down towards my core. There was a level of relaxation and ease I’ve never experienced before. It honestly felt a bit surreal to sense the shift of energy, a completely new way of inhabiting space. 

Another thing I really appreciated about Corey’s perspective was his grounded perspective. There is a way to have this deep spiritual journey within the mundane world. We don’t have to go off to a monastery to find the Mystery. It can inhabit our daily lives. There is no distinction between the sacred and secular; it is all the same reality. We can carry the practice and awareness into every moment. This very much reminded me of a story from Women Who Run with the Wolves: 

The Four Rabbinim

One night four Rabbinim were visited by an angel who awakened them and carried them to the Seventh Vault of the Seventh Heaven. There they beheld the sacred Wheel of Ezekiel.

Somewhere in the descent from Pardes, Paradise, to Earth, one Rabbi, having seen such splendor, lost his mind and wandered frothing and foaming until the end of his days. The second Rabbi was extremely cynical: "Oh, I just dreamed Ezekiel's Wheel, that was all. Nothing really happened." The third Rabbi carried on and on about what he had seen, for he was totally obsessed. He lectured and would not stop with how it was all constructed and what it all meant...and in this way he went astray and betrayed his faith. The fourth Rabbi, who was a poet, took a paper in hand and a reed and sat near the window writing song after song praising the evening dove, his daughter in her cradle, and all the stars in the sky. And he lived his life better than before.

It is hard to put into words what happened at retreat. What I can say is that the retreat created a space for me to have some incredibly profound experiences in my inner world. I felt a sense of wholeness, an integration of my self—a deep level of physical and psychic healing that I've never felt before. I know it was profound because it has changed the relationship I have with my body, with my physical being, with how I interact and exist in space.

Since returning from the retreat I've felt a deep shift in my way of being. How I care for myself, how I move through the world, how I feel tension or alignment in my everyday life.

In some way I can't even describe, I've felt the Mystery, and it has changed me.

There is nothing left for me to do now but write poems about all the stars in the skies. 

August 2025; Hilton Head Island, SC

Resources:

Corey Hess - Body Therapy Healing Arts (and his substack)

Dharma Gates - This was my first event with Dharma Gates and I was so impressed by their authenticity and openness. For someone without any background in Buddhist traditions, I felt welcomed. I could feel their genuine desire to support every participant in their own journey. They created a really beautiful space during this retreat for reflection, growth, and connection.