The Pondering Well (2.18.25)

What I’m Pondering

Recently I had a conversation about intention. It really stood out to me how often we make assumptions about the motivations of other people. It is so easy to make judgements on the appearance of things without truly knowing what is driving the person. We don’t know the inner journey or story of most people we encounter in life. And yet we make split-second judgements about their actions being self-centered or vain or [fill-in-the-blank]. We impose our own expectations on others. If we did X, it would be from this motivation, whereas someone else may be coming from a completely different place.

How different would the world be if we made a conscious effort not to assume someone else’s motivations? And I am not thinking just about motivations about things that affect us. What about the broader assumptions we make about someone’s character, instead of being curious as to what’s driving them? Curiosity leads us to asking questions and being open to different perspectives. It creates new possibilities, instead of immediately collapsing into only one possible interpretation.

What I’m Reading

I just finished reading Left Neglected by Lisa Genova. This was the second book I’ve read from this author, the first being Still Alice. This story was really interesting because it explored a neurological disorder that I was unfamiliar with. Genova has a gift for being able to put the reader into the experience of her protagonist. There’s such a strong emotional resonance, you can imagine exactly what she is feeling and going through, it is very powerful. The book deals with themes of change, loss, forgiveness and resilience.

What I’m Listening To

RUNNING, Jake Quillin, Michael Ferguson (youtube) (spotify)

Book Recommendation

Referenced above, Still Alice by Lisa Genova is an excellent read. And by excellent, I mean it takes you on a deeply wraught emotional journey. It was not an easy book to read, but was certainly a profound experience. It follows the story of Alice who is diagnosed with early onset Alzeimers. The story is so powerful because you feel her experience of confusion, denial, disorientation, and shifting of reality as she perceives it. To be honest, this hit home for me because of people in my life who have dementia or Alzeimers. Being put into the experience of how it would feel to go through this was very emotionally moving.

Something to Ponder

This article by Sarah Ness explores a really important concept (imo) of keeping relationships clean. And by that, I mean, making sure there aren’t unspoken expectations or resentments that are building up. I think this ties in to my pondering above about intentions, actually. It takes practice, awareness, and action to work through those layers of assumptions. I really appreciate that the article applies this in a professional setting because this lesson is really important in all areas of life, not just in personal relationships. There can be a lot of damage in a company if we don’t have open and honest conversations. I think the key here is that the conversation is about asking questions and exploring the disconnect together. This is a very different approach than speaking from our assumptions. Again, it is that theme of curiosity and openness. It was helpful that she gives such a concrete example and shows what this might look like in real life. It is easy to say, “have honest conversations,” but another to figure out how to actually do it.

And I also appreciated how she talks about making this a regular and routine practice in our relationships. Especially in the workplace, I think it can be difficult at first to broach these conversations because it might be a radical departure from the current culture. However, the more we can talk about this concept as a normal and healthy practice, and model it in our leadership, the more we can normalize openness. It takes time to shift a culture, and it doesn’t happen by giving a lecture or sending an email. It happens through our daily choices to act from a place of authenticity and honesty, to intentionally cultivate trust with our team, to make it normal to have these difficult conversations and know that we can come out of it even stronger together.